Mothers and the Reality Check

Posted by Mattie on Sep 22, 2010 in Womanhood |

The first thing that I learned about being a mother is that no matter how I sliced it, I was going to get the smallest piece. And, after gaining weight, I would also want it.  I was going to have to deal with sacrifices. A nicer word would be changes.

The second lesson was that motherhood was going make me a selfless and stronger person. Whether I wanted it or not. I guess that is what happens when you wear your heart on your sleeve.

Taking another persons feelings into account had never been a strong point with me. I had to stop and listen to the cues and respond accordingly. I had no idea what I was doing and was deeply afraid of harming my child. So I started to read about everything, that I thought I might need to know. I studied like I was preparing to pass a bar exam. I could not fail. How’s that for pressure.

While under all this pressure, that I did not even know I was under, I had to remain patient and loving. The unconditional love came easy.  I did not know what I was doing. But I knew that I loved my child, each child, unconditionally. And, I considered myself blessed that I had the opportunity to be a mother.

With this blessing, I wanted to prove to God that I was not only worthy of the challenge. But I was also going to rise to the occasion and do my best to succeed. This is an important task. I took this challenge seriously, and not complacently. That does not mean that I am going to let my kids step all over me.

There is no third lesson as the lessons have been on going. Every day a new realization of how to do things differently, maybe not the way I want to but somehow the way that will work for my child. Ultimately what works for the child, works for the mother. Slowing down was my first reality check. I had always been a faced paced mover and shaker with no peripheral vision. I went from 100 to 0 over night. Crash.

I never realized that it could take me so long to get out of the house. Moving slowly was so foreign to me. Yet, now I was breastfeeding, changing diapers, changing my top, packing food, getting baby into the car seat and driving the speed limit. And, I still looked disheveled wherever I went. I was out of breath, late and fashionably intolerant. No time to think about me. Let’s make sure the baby is taken care of, first. Second, never came.

My ego and I took a back seat to this lovely journey. Just as we were slowly sneaking towards shotgun, I had another baby. What about us? My ego and I became resolved. This might take a while. Better sit back and enjoy the view.

Slowing down was a hard pill to swallow. I am sure that by the time I get the chance to live in a faced paced environment again, I will be too old to enjoy it. Those days are gone. Upward and onward.

I won’t be too old to enjoy coming first again. I have slowly started to do things for myself. Putting my kids second and third has been a challenge. They have had to adjust to this with great difficulty. I guess, that’s life and the sooner they learn that they will not always come first, the better we will all get along. It is only fair that we learn to take turns.

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