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MummyMadness » Womanhood
 
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Mothers and Tolerance

Posted by Mattie on Sep 29, 2010 in Womanhood

The other day I wanted to go to an exercise class and my kids were home. They didn’t want to stay home alone and my mother didn’t want to baby-sit.

So, I decided to take them to the class. The class is actually a gym so there is plenty of room for them to hang out in the back, play their Nintendo games and not bother any one. Let me just explain before I continue that kids are not allowed at classes for liability reasons. My kids are old enough to behave. And that’s is good enough for me.

I decided to get to the class just as it was beginning, just in case my kids were itching to get bored.  As soon as this older lady (probably in her 60’s) saw my unassuming kids she muttered “kids” under her breath as though there is something wrong with them.

I was so surprised that not only was this hag bothered by the sight of my kids, other women came and moved their handbags away from where my kids were sitting. What did they think? That my kids were going to go through their bags like preschoolers or maybe steal from them.

I was floored at what I had witnessed within 5 minutes of arriving at the gym. How does anyone expect children to grow up and respect their elders if their elders treat them disrespectfully? Aren’t we as a society suppose to give people the benefit of doubt before we hang them?

I explained to my kids that they had done nothing wrong and that some people are just not nice. We stayed and my kids enjoyed watching the class. I enjoyed having them there, as they did not bother me or anyone else.

I would have enjoyed my class better if my weight would have accidentally slipped out of my hand and hit that hag on the head! But I guess I need to set an example of tolerance.

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Mothers and Mornings

Posted by Mattie on Sep 27, 2010 in Womanhood

Good Morning!

Every morning I creep out of bed. I get my socks and bathrobe on to maintain the body heat I had in bed. Not only do I not like to get out of bed in the morning, I especially don’t like the cold feeling of getting out of my warm bed to take on the cold harsh world of getting my kids to school.

The first thing I do is slowly and quietly go to the kitchen to get coffee. We prep it the night before, so that it is ready when we wake up. I know that isn’t the freshest way to drink morning coffee. But when we look at the pros and con of fresh coffee versus immediate caffeine gratification. Fresh loses.

I am always hopeful that my kids are still asleep. The thought of dealing with anything before I am completely coherent can destroy my day before it even begins. I bet you think that I am exaggerating, but until you see me first thing in the morning without my coffee, you have no idea of the madness that lurks inside of me.

I have this chair in the living room that I go to with my coffee. I sit still and slowly let the caffeine do its job. While sitting there I zone, or maybe we can call it meditating. I reflect upon the day’s agenda and any other thing my mind needs to go over. I call it free time for my head. Thoughts may come and go without any interference from me.

The funny thing is that I sit so still that when my kids come downstairs, they can see me, but they don’t even notice me. I wonder, do they need their “alone time” also?

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Mothers and Coaching

Posted by Mattie on Sep 25, 2010 in Womanhood

Today my daughter’s soccer coach asked me, if my husband would be willing to coach the game this Saturday.  Our coach has to be out of town regarding his business and we would have to forfeit the game if no one could step up to coach the girls.

My husband can’t make, so I volunteered myself. I do not know anything about soccer. I will definitely need a crib sheet for position names and their corresponding responsibilities. I figure that having a coach who doesn’t know anything about the sport is better than forfeiting. It should be fun for the girls. They all know me for years so I won’t be a new face. Why not give them the opportunity to step themselves and help me out. I am pretty sure that I will need some support.

What better role modeling for my girls to show them rather than tell them how sometimes you need to step up when someone asks for your help. Even when you don’t know how to do the job. Sometimes just helping by doing your best and supporting others is good enough. We don’t have to win the game, but we do have to have fun.

I am not afraid to try something new. And, I am not afraid to do everything wrong. Why not teach that to my girls and their team mates. Although, I may be afraid to look over at some of the parents should the game go down hill.

Wish me luck!

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Mothers and PMS

Posted by Mattie on Sep 24, 2010 in Womanhood

The thing about PMS is that you don’t know it’s coming until it slaps you in the face. And then we’re surprised as though it is the first time this has ever happened.

It starts slowly for me. First, I start to wake up earlier than I want to. Next I am awake in the middle of the night, for hours. Sleep deprivation sets in. I know I can take pills to sleep better, but I don’t want to all the time. Once in while after two or three nights of bad sleep, I start to come apart at the seams and need to start pulling myself together. I don’t want to be the eight-headed monster!

Then I start to get really hungry. I eat everything continuously. I go through the food groups over and over again. And then, I go for dessert over and over again. It is amazing because I am eating uncontrollably without realizing it. The next day my clothes feel tighter around my waist. And, I wonder why.

Now the depression sets in. I start to feel low in energy and low in life. Hovering around hoping to find a good laugh. Desperately looking for a comedy on TV. I really like the Reba show, Two and a Half Men and Craig Fergussen. No drama for me while I PMS. Otherwise, I will cry and be sad.

The next thing I notice about myself is my irritability. I guess it is understandable when I am yelling at my kids for every single thing they go. The look on their face is priceless. They have no idea why I am so upset. Neither do I. I proceed to apologize and stop my self from speaking for the next couple of days.

When I say irritable, I mean that when my kids are singing, I and thinking “oh my god, when will this noise stop.” Then it hits me. What is my problem? Why is their singing bothering me so much? Ohhh, it is that time of the month, again. You would think that in my forties, I would be used to this cycle. But not, it is a surprise every single time.

When will the madness end, so that the next phase of madness can begin…

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Mother mending an Angels’ broken Wing

Posted by Mattie on Sep 23, 2010 in Womanhood

Last Christmas, I bought my daughters these wooden hand carved angels. They are angels of courage. I though it would be nice and symbolic to give them a thoughtful gift.

I have gotten tired of buying plastic toys, so I decided to buy them a piece of art. They are locally made of wood and metal. How could I go wrong? Even if they drop them, the angels can’t break.

I was concerned that my kids would treat them like Polly Pockets and eventually break them. I feel that they have to learn sometime that not all presents are going to be toys. Some will have meaning.

One daughter loves pretty things, so she has placed her angle in a special place on a higher shelf so her friends, can see it, but not touch it.

The other daughter likes to keep touching it. You know what that means…She came into my bedroom one morning to tell me that the wings fell off. The angel had a broken wing. I let her keep talking until she finally confessed. The guilt overwhelmed her.

She had twisted that wing so many times, that the metal cracked. I have finally found glue that will attach the wings back onto the angel. Today, I have the time to do it properly, without rushing.

As I am gluing and positioning and holding everything in place, I think to myself. How predictable is this?

I wonder how many times, am I going to mend my childrens’ wings.

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Mothers and the Reality Check

Posted by Mattie on Sep 22, 2010 in Womanhood

The first thing that I learned about being a mother is that no matter how I sliced it, I was going to get the smallest piece. And, after gaining weight, I would also want it.  I was going to have to deal with sacrifices. A nicer word would be changes.

The second lesson was that motherhood was going make me a selfless and stronger person. Whether I wanted it or not. I guess that is what happens when you wear your heart on your sleeve.

Taking another persons feelings into account had never been a strong point with me. I had to stop and listen to the cues and respond accordingly. I had no idea what I was doing and was deeply afraid of harming my child. So I started to read about everything, that I thought I might need to know. I studied like I was preparing to pass a bar exam. I could not fail. How’s that for pressure.

While under all this pressure, that I did not even know I was under, I had to remain patient and loving. The unconditional love came easy.  I did not know what I was doing. But I knew that I loved my child, each child, unconditionally. And, I considered myself blessed that I had the opportunity to be a mother.

With this blessing, I wanted to prove to God that I was not only worthy of the challenge. But I was also going to rise to the occasion and do my best to succeed. This is an important task. I took this challenge seriously, and not complacently. That does not mean that I am going to let my kids step all over me.

There is no third lesson as the lessons have been on going. Every day a new realization of how to do things differently, maybe not the way I want to but somehow the way that will work for my child. Ultimately what works for the child, works for the mother. Slowing down was my first reality check. I had always been a faced paced mover and shaker with no peripheral vision. I went from 100 to 0 over night. Crash.

I never realized that it could take me so long to get out of the house. Moving slowly was so foreign to me. Yet, now I was breastfeeding, changing diapers, changing my top, packing food, getting baby into the car seat and driving the speed limit. And, I still looked disheveled wherever I went. I was out of breath, late and fashionably intolerant. No time to think about me. Let’s make sure the baby is taken care of, first. Second, never came.

My ego and I took a back seat to this lovely journey. Just as we were slowly sneaking towards shotgun, I had another baby. What about us? My ego and I became resolved. This might take a while. Better sit back and enjoy the view.

Slowing down was a hard pill to swallow. I am sure that by the time I get the chance to live in a faced paced environment again, I will be too old to enjoy it. Those days are gone. Upward and onward.

I won’t be too old to enjoy coming first again. I have slowly started to do things for myself. Putting my kids second and third has been a challenge. They have had to adjust to this with great difficulty. I guess, that’s life and the sooner they learn that they will not always come first, the better we will all get along. It is only fair that we learn to take turns.

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Mothers and Excercise

Posted by Mattie on Sep 16, 2010 in Womanhood

Today I went to my regular gym to get my regular routine done. It sounds boring and I agree, exercising is boring. I try to go for hikes with friends to get a bit of a different work out that includes fresh air and socialization.

I used to do everything alone, mostly because I was pressed for time and I was trying to be efficient. After a while that sucked because having a conversation, even a light one can really pick up my spirits.

Don’t get me wrong. I am a loner through and through. But as a stay at home mom, who also freelances from home, it is nice to interact with nice people. I only like nice people. I don’t have time for people who just aren’t polite. Which is funny because not only am I a loner, I am not politically correct and I am a straight shooter. Which means I could also uses some proper social skills. Nice people are pleasant and I really try to copy that. Not always succeeding. I never said I was perfect.

Back to my work out. I always enjoyed a good work out before and after kids. I believe in positive endorphins and have become a bit of a junkie! I will never cancel a class unless there really is no other choice, like a specialist appointment for my kids. This is my time for only me.

Before I begin, I am of average everything. Height, weight…so don’t think I look great or anything like that. I am just like you and my neighbour.

This instructor makes me laugh. She is hard-core. I do cardio and weights at the same time. Usually that sort of thing wouldn’t work for as I have a bad back, but it does. This class allows me to eat ice cream and drink wine without any guilt. I think that is what I like best. I don’t work out to be perfect. I work out to be healthy and live my life with balance and moderation. Am I preaching?

I go to her class because not only because I get a good workout which allows my vices, she also makes me laugh. She is high energy to say the least, so she motivated you to keep going and not give up. Sometimes I work so hard that I am afraid that I might fart by accident. All that balancing and lifting weights can be distracting.

But mostly I feel like my contacts are going to pop out of my eyeballs. That is a funny feeling, because I know that they won’t. Sometimes I get so dizzy (not in a bad way) because of all the steps and routines.  I look in the mirror and there I am along with many other ladies bumping into each other and we all laugh. What else are we going to do? It’s only exercise, not an interview.

All in all, if you don’t exercise, get to it. There isn’t anything better than those endorphins. And if you have kids, exercise is a stress buster. A good workout out allows you to not only feel good but also feel good about yourself.

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Mothers and their Mothers

Posted by Mattie on Sep 6, 2010 in Womanhood

Today is my mother’s 75th birthday.

I plan to make a celebration dinner for her. It should be lots of fun. She’s one of those people who don’t want any gifts, really. The best gift that I ever gave her was oven mitts from Hawaii with palm trees on them. She needed a pair. And, she doesn’t want to go out for dinner, really. That is a waist of money.

So, I am making dinner for her. I guess you are thinking that’s no big deal. Well, let me tell you something about my mother. High maintenance would be an understatement. I have only made dinner for her once before. My dinner was chicken and salad, pretty simple. Except I did everything wrong. I cut the tomatoes to small. My chicken was too dry.  I should have done everything differently.

I have to admit cooking is not one of my favourite tasks. Mostly because I have kids who like boring and bland food and my husband is British. My family has low expectations of me. And the truth is, that serves me well, as the kitchen is not my favourite room.

So tonight I am making dinner for my mother, who will try to take over all the cooking. She will then comment on my preparations. And maybe say thank you, as it is my duty to take care of her.

But, I don’t care. I have decided that I am going to try new things to learn more about myself. And cooking is going to be one of those new things. My kids will have to try everything so their taste buds start experiencing some new life. My husband is indifferent, so that’s easy.

I am planning this dinner because my children should celebrate with their grandmother. I hope one day my kids do nice things for me, when I am older. I also hope that I don’t turn into my mother.  Three generations eating together is rare and I think our children are missing out. It is worth the effort for our kids.

They learn so much from their grandparents. It really is a treat for them. Kids get special treatment and more love. Who wouldn’t want that? I guess I can suck it up for one night. With the help of wine…

I know that my kids will be thinking throughout dinner, when are we going to have cake? And so, they will have to maintain dinner manners and be patient. After all, it isn’t their birthday.

Tonight my goal is to have a happy celebration with three generations of women and one husband. I hope everyone has a nice time. And I don’t burn dinner!

Wish me luck!

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Mothers and Crosswalks!

Posted by Mattie on Aug 30, 2010 in Womanhood

Today I lost my temper in front of my kids. I try not to do that, but what else am I suppose to do when a driver is speeding down the road towards my young child while she is crossing in the crosswalk. After we all check to make sure it was safe to enter the road.

This lady (and I rather call her something else) was speeding in the school zone. While we were in the middle of the road we all heard her barrelling down the road. I am used to negligent divers, but her driving really came to my attention when my other child said, “look how fast she is coming”.

I looked up and saw this “lady” looking right at me and not slowing down. I then moved my kids along so that they could get safely to the sidewalk and looked her straight in the eye and told her to “SLOW DOWN”. I did raise my voice.

She then yelled back at me. As though my young children and I were in the wrong. I don’t remember what she was saying, because I was so angry that she was confronting us, as though we were in her way.

All I kept thinking was, what the heck is going on here. So I gave her the finger and told her a few choice words. I am not proud of that behaviour that I displayed in front of my kids. I lost my temper.

I then turned my back to her and carried on walking my kids to school.  She then stopped in the middle of road and kept yelling at me. I feel as though I had no choice at this point. She was bullying me (and my kids) and there was no way I was going to let her get away with it.

I am my daughters’ role model and I will not be pushed around, especially in front of them. I could have walked away, but chose not to.  I made sure the kids were safe on the sidewalk and I walked straight up to her open windows and kept yelling at her “you are speeding in a school zone” no matter what she said to me. I kept shouting in my lion voice “YOU ARE SPEEDING IN A SCHOOL ZONE!” and…”YOU ARE GOING TO KILL A CHILD!”
She then sped off. She was still in the school zone.

I did not do what I really wanted to do to her as that would mean that I would have completely lost control of myself. But drivers need to respect the children. The kids are going to work, just like anyone else.

If society doesn’t respect our children, how do we expect our kids to respect society? If we want our kids to be healthy and safe, then the drivers on the road need to respect our kids.

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Hello world! My first post as a Mother!

Posted by Mattie on Aug 7, 2010 in Womanhood

Good Morning!

It has taken me over a month to finally get this site up and running. As we mothers know, time is not only precious it is hard to come by. Managing time is a whole other blog! My kids are finally in school all day and sorted for the new year. There are so many little things to do that it is amazing how the day flies by…

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